New Years Eve 2016

Is it just me or was 2016 just a series of weird world events and not just for me but for the whole nation. It all started with Harambe ending and ended with Clinton becoming one of the top presidential nominees, like What?!! I feel like there was a ton of signs in 2015 that proved 2016 was going to be a rough one, I mean Rhonda Rousey lost to Holly Holmes not even two months before 2016 started, if that wasn’t a prelude I don’t know what is! My 2016? Well it started with me throwing up all over the side of my car. So as much as I would love to tell you all about the nation and what went wrong this year, I’m apparently too conceited to tell you about that and instead I’m going to tell you exactly how I rang in 2016, so I can dwell on that before looking into 2017.

New Year’s Eve I decided I was going to really let loose and bring in the New Year without remembering the end of 2015. Also for those of you that don’t know me I like to imply that I’m going to commit to drunken shenanigans, but honestly, I have a couple drinks, and decide I’m done drinking at like 8:00 pm like 63% of the time. I really suck at the “young and dumb” game and I’m okay with that.  New Year’s Eve started like any other night out, a few drinks at the house and a journey downtown for a little dancing. Perhaps it was the combination of wine, jello shots, and whiskey, but on the journey downtown I was riding in the passenger seat regretting mixing anything at all. My sober driver was making me DJ, and behind me sat a car full of boys. At some point “somebody” decided that an overloaded car was the perfect time to pass gas. Now normally I could have opened the window released the air and we could have moved on with our night. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. My car was fuming with a rotten egg, moldy fish, dead skunk smell, and it wouldn’t creep out the window to save my life. So as the smell infused my nose and my lungs I started gagging, approximately 27 seconds later I was leaning out of my front seat window vomiting profusely as we drove down the road. For anyone who hasn’t ever thrown up out of a moving car during winter…I wouldn’t recommend it. We get to the bar and I step out, to see a rainbow of frozen vomit strung all down the side of my new car. All I could think about was how this frozen vomit was going chip off the pearly white paint, with all the stomach acid, the panic set in quickly as I searched for something to attempt to wipe my car off with.

Normally I keep my vehicles pretty well stocked with supplies of wet wipes, tissues, napkins ect. But for some reason there was absolutely none of the above in my car. However; I was “lucky” enough to find an Armor All leather seat sponge in my center console. I ripped the sponge out and started scrubbing my car with this microscopic sponge. Devin (the boyfriend and DD) came around the car to see what I was doing. As soon as the vision of me red eyed, in heels, and a leather jacket, plugging my nose and scrubbing a skew of red, green, and orange came into view he immediately started throwing up.

I don’t know if anyone else has ever watched a chain reaction but this one remains one of my favorite, because after he started vomiting, so did our buddy. There was literally three vomiting in the middle of downtown, all in result of someone farting in a crammed car.

I continued trying to clean my car, but for anyone who has ever used Armor All leather products they’re oil based. So my attempts of cleaning off my car literally resulted in smearing oil and vomit chunks down the side of my car while shivering in subzero degree temperatures. Finally, after shivering long enough I decided to wander into the bars and get my dance on instead of heading home, because I’m not really much of a quitter.

My New Year’s Eve rang in like any other year, we had a ten second countdown to midnight and a kiss at the bell. First off, can we just acknowledge how gross it is that Devin still went in for it only hours after we just synchronize puking in the streets? More so we can acknowledge how gross I am for not dodging that, since I somehow was now the more sober of us?

I wrangled up the car full of boys I had to take home and made the trek back, with the stale smell of fart and vomit still lingering in my car, we had all successfully rang in the new year, and chiseling frozen vomit off of my car the next day was a great reminder that we had done it right.

To this day no one has claimed that fart, although I wish they would. Anyone who can make three people vomit after their gas deserves some kind of medal or award.

So even though 2016 started off a little boozy woozy for me, there were a ton of other memories made throughout the year, which I can’t wait to tell you about. Although looking at the bigger picture 2016 kinda Holly Holmes’d me, I remain positive to see what 2017 has to offer. I hope your New Year’s Eve is celebrated nothing short of graceful this year.

Until then,

Julissa

P.S. little shoutout to my homie Harambe R.I.P. you big hunk.