The day I convinced my Dad my sister was a stripper.

Alright, so I know a lot of you have been graced with this story in person, but to this day I literally bust out laughing every time I think about this story, and since I’m currently leaving Vegas this just seems like a good time to share this one. Although if you ask my dad he has a much different reaction to the story. In fact, each time he hears this story or someone references his “stripper” daughter he literally refuses to call me for a day. So what better way to entertain you all then to relay this message to the world, or more so my “world.”

Over the last handful of years, I’ve somehow managed to become a bit of a pot stirrer in my house. Alright, maybe It’s been more than that, but I just get an odd satisfaction from getting the family worked up over ridiculous things.

Let’s start with the background of this story, rumor has it a friend of mine had ran into my dad at a bar, well this bar was connected to a strip club so in typical Julissa fashion I decided I was going to throw my dad under the bus and call him out on his whereabouts. Over a quick lunch with my cousin we had demised our master plan and decided to put it in action, getting my oldest sister Jamie involved.

So here’s how the day played out:

Quick call from cousin Justin to Todd:

Justin: So why didn’t you invite me?

Todd: Invite you where?

Justin: The stripclub

Todd: How did you know?

Justin: Oh Julissa told me that you walked in there one night and Jamie freaked out because she couldn’t go on stage. I guess she lost a lot of money that night.

Todd: I was literally on the bar side, and it wasn’t my choice to go in there it was my buddies’

Meanwhile my cousin calls me and warns me that he struck the match. Within 5 minutes my phone starts ringing and I see it’s none other then The Todd, already knowing what he was calling about I answer it with, “hey dad, I’m really busy I’ll call you back in a couple of minutes.”  Click.

I let him wait for approximately 5 hours and returned his call. He tried to keep it casual for a minute but then he flipped switches and goes, “Do you know what your sister is doing?”

Me: “oh like her night job?”

Todd: “Yeah her NIGHT job.”

Me: “ I mean yeah I’ve known for quite a while actually. She said she saw you and your buddies walk in there one night, guess she lost a lot of money skipping her rotation.”

Todd: “JULES you have morals, have you not tried talking to her about this?  Is it about money? Why would she do this?”

Me: “Well, I mean she’s a really good dancer so at least she’s using one of her talents, and honestly Dad she hasn’t asked to borrow money in a really long time, and I think she’s finally saving up enough to buy her car, so that’s good right?”

Long story short, this call ended with me getting a slight lecture on not influencing her in a positive manner and dad deciding he was calling our mother to talk to her about the manner. I agreed that was a good idea, and hung up.

Quickly I dialed my mom and said, “mom, your ex-husband is about to give you a really weird call. Could you please just roll with this? I might have convinced him that your oldest daughter is a stripper.”  Mom responded with a few choice words, and before she could even finish questioning me her phone was ringing.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t around for this phone call so I can’t completely dialog it for you. All I know is Todd was still in panic mode, mom rolled with the punches, and in the end Todd decided that they needed to sit down with her together because this was a parenting thing. Mom laughed and reminded him that she is in fact 30, if she wanted to be a stripper there wasn’t a whole lot they could do about it.

My mom called me back and scolded me a little, she explained to me that he was pretty worked up and he isn’t in the prime of his health. She made me promise to call him back, and tell him the truth. Apparently she was worried that this might send him into cardiac arrest, or send his blood pressure through the roof.  Here I was fully prepared to let my dad think his child was a stripper for at least two weeks, but then his ex-wife had to come play knight in shining armor for this damsel in distress I call my father.

I let him sulk in his sorrows for a few more hours and after mom hassled me for the third time I finally sent out a mass text, and although I could explain these texts to you in detail they’re much more funny if you just read them. So follow the trail below….

Long story short, this 8 hours of entertainment resulted in my dad literally not talking to us for two weeks. I realize that I should feel guilty and maybe a little remorseful, but in all honesty, there’s a reason Todd got stuck with three daughters. We’re clearly his payback and even though I don’t know what I’m paying him back for, I know there’s a list karma is still covering.

 

Until Next time,

Me