Alright guys, since this blog is called Adulting Honorable Mention, and I constantly mock my lack of “adultiness” I thought it would be a good day to tell you my worst “adulating” trait.

The truth is I absolutely suck at laundry. I wish this was a new thing, but it’s been ongoing. Truthfully I would like to contribute my clothes addiction to this, but I think realistically that’s a whole different problem.

So today I thought I would tell you why I think laundry is the absolute worst. I feel obligated to tell you that this entire blog post is probably stemming from a dark place. I’ve been fighting with broken dryers for two months, and I spent my entire Saturday afternoon at the Laundromat. I literally was ashamed when it took me 12 washers to get all my laundry soaking.

So here you have it my top 10 reasons why laundry might be the death of me:

1. You have to plan your day around laundry: I get that this would be a non-issue if I was a responsible adult, but I’m not. I’m not going to just “do a load of laundry” every night. Is there people that actually accomplish this? I feel like I have to decide I’m going to do laundry, and carve a day out to do laundry. Otherwise I forget a load in one of the laundry machines, and have mildew smelling clothes, or it sits in a giant pile on whatever furniture I choose that day.

2. Shrinkage: Is shrinking your clothes a phase? How do you remember which clothes can and can’t go in the dryer? Am I just growing out of my clothes?! This is a real issue, because I feel like sometimes I run things through the dryer 548 times and it’s fine, but you better believe that the one time I was it right before I NEED to wear it, it’s going to shrink.

3. The Smell Test: I’m not entirely sure if this gets to count as part of laundry or just a trait of my bad “adulating” but…the smell test. I’m terrible about trying on five things before I decide what I’m going to wear every day, I’m also terrible about throwing laundry on the floor and not in the hamper. So as much as I hate to admit it, I’m a smell tester. It’s not like I have a room FULL of clothes mounded up in every which corner, it does get cleaned up, I just struggle to remember which goes in what pile. On the contrary, I don’t think any of us can claim not to wear things multiple times. I’m not washing jeans after I throw them on to run outside and get the mail, or run a quick errand, that’s ridiculous. So yes, I admit it, I’m totally a wear things twice if I can smell tester. In fact I was once told, “I’ve never seen a girl smell test things as much as you.” I’m assuming this person hasn’t been around very many girls.

4. Towels: I love having clean towels truly, but the whole concept of washing towels makes me laugh. You wash something, dry it on an extra-long cycle, just to get it wet again with clean water. Why is this a thing??

5. SOCKS: Is there like a dryer elf that comes in and steals all the socks??? Why do none of my socks match after just one of two washings. I realize I could buy copious amounts if the same sock, and save the guesswork, but good lord just let me keep my socks!

6. Redundant: wash. Dry. Fold. Repeat. So this is just the rest of my life huh…cool cool cool.

7. False Accomplishment: I hate the fact that it provides the biggest false sense of accomplishment. For instance, you finish all your laundry and feel great about yourself until you realize you missed a pile of clothes behind the bathroom door. Sometimes I feel great because I didn’t miss one single piece of clothing, only to realize the next day I already have half a load dirty…let me tell you a secret: You are literally NEVER done with laundry.

8. 5 step chore: Laundry honestly seems like the only chore that requires sooo many steps. Collect the laundry. Wash. Dry. Fold. Put away. AND occasionally even ironing. My vacuum and carpet has never given me that much grief. Point and case, laundry is far too needy.

9. Options: I just want to be able to go into the store and pick up a laundry detergent and dryer sheets in one solid swoop. Why is there 30 scents and 17 brands of every product? How do I know this really won’t bleach my clothes? Is this scent making me itchy? Does this smell funny? Should I get liquid or powder?? It’s seriously like build a bear workshop for your laundry room, and I don’t have that kind of commitment.

10. Folding: Is it possible to finish this part of laundry the same day you wash your clothes? I’m asking for a friend. I hate the clutter, but I also have a small feeling of hate for folding something to pull it out of a drawer the next day. In fact I hate folding so much, I might not actually hate laundry, just this step.

I honestly think we should take a poll, where we would all probably realize that everyone agrees laundry is in fact the worst chore around. The only purpose of washing clothes is apparently to put them back on your body to make them filthy again. Perhaps someday I will breakdown into the inner goddess body that is hiding under my layers of pasta loving and beer consuming self, and at that point I’ll join a nudist colony. However, that may be a day far away, so for now you all get to embrace my laundry complaints, and pray for a day of peace away from laundry.

Until Next Week,

Julissa Talkington