So over the previous months I’ve come to realize that I live in a very strange time. A generation that no longer uses the phone to call people, and make plans. Yet instead uses various forms of social media to lure attention seeking girls into their realms. Now for those of you who thought they were going to read some in depth blog about chivalry dying and the strange generation I live in I have unfortunate news, this article wasn’t headed in that direction at all. Before I get too far I should start by saying, I’m a pretty average girl, body type: I love working out but, I definitely love pasta and beer more. I have an extreme gift of making any normal situation awkward and tend to lack a filter when needed. In no way am I someone you glance twice at, in fact I think if anything I’m probably not even attractive until you figure out how awesome my personality is. So I tell you these stories not to boast or prove anything but to show you what a strange time we live in. Honestly, for those girls that do meet society’s standard of gorgeous, I can only imagine the stories you have! So if I haven’t bored you to death yet please continue reading as I try to humor you on the strange tactics random “suitors” have tried on me in the previous year in hopes of you giving  you a good laugh at my expense.

Story #1 Jimmy Johns Sandwich Artist, actually he was probably not an artist…just a delivery man

It was a casual day at work, I was glued to my computer and in the middle of several projects. Often when this happens I just order lunch so I can keep working while I refuel my voluptuous, carb loving self. So like many times before I got online and ordered my sandwich (Beach Club, no mayo, extra guac, in case you ever feel like surprising me with lunch). However, for some reason Jimmy John’s has always struggled finding me so I always leave my cell phone number so they can reach me. About 15 minutes later my phone was ringing for additional delivery requests being so hungry I could hardly think, I informed him I would walk downstairs and meet him at the door. So I scurried downstairs grabbed my delivery bag and was on my way, thinking nothing of the encounter.  As soon as I sat down my phone buzzed with a new text from an unknown number saying, “Thank you!!! Have a great day beautiful!” As I tried to play nice and responded with, “thanks for saving my hunger” quick, to the point and not misleading whatsoever. He then continued to keep texting me and asked me out to dinner. UMMMM no, like first off, isn’t there some kind of breech of privacy here. You sir, only got my number to deliver my sandwich…that’s all. Secondly, do you ask all your deliveries for dates because I feel like I just became part of a majority, and I don’t think Jimmy would appreciate using your delivery job as a dating site.

I would love to finish off this story by making an excuse on how he was young and probably just didn’t understand the proper way to ask a lady to dinner, but I can’t. I’m no pro at guessing ages, but my poor delivery guy has either had a rough life or he had aged close to normal, and was in fact around 40. I’ve never been afraid of ordering lunch before, but now every time I pick up the phone I have a small case of PTSD and fear that every delivery guy is going to ignore the fact that I’m about to stuff my face (in a very unattractive manner) and use my delivery order come onto me. So thanks for that Jimmy John’s guy, I’m eternally scarred.

^Seriously, couldn’t just leave the sandwich and me alone?

Story #2 Airport Luggage Violation

It was just another day, I was traveling from work and anxious to get back to my home state. The Phoenix airport has a shuttle service from their rental cars, to the terminals you need to be at. So I hopped on the shuttle threw my luggage on the rack and waited to arrive at my terminal. You know how they make you place a tag on your suitcase while you’re traveling with your name, number, and address? Well I always thought it was a fairly safe thing to do for security purposes, but that day I learned that there can be other purposes behind broadcasting all your private information. A few days after I landed in Montana, I received a text from a California number, all it said was “HI” I replied asking who I knew in California, “Pedro” then proceeded to send me a line of continuous text messages, and selfies. Also, I feel it’s relevant to tell you he was also nowhere near my age judging by the selfies, and perhaps his aggressive stalker like approach was preventing him from finding a wife closer to home.

Don’t get me wrong, I feel like I’m a pretty genuine person, and far from intimidating, so stories like these frustrate me. It would have taken him approximately three minutes to strike up a conversation in person, where I could have told him all about my awkwardness, and my boyfriend that was picking me up from the airport. It would have saved us time, data, and more importantly it could have saved me from receiving a chain of awkward selfies.

^if only it was morally right to really show you all of his selfies I received

Story #3 Aggressive Uber Driver

A few weeks ago I was in Vegas, I was getting ready to head home so I grabbed an Uber and headed towards the airport. For those of you that haven’t uber’d once or twice in a large city I would just like to warn you that it is almost a rare find to get a driver that has English as their first language. So for this rare occasion I had a “younger” Uber driver. We talked about modern dating and other small talk from Uber experiences, and our home towns (typical small talk really). At the end of this Uber drive the guy asked if I used Instagram, we live in a social media driven society and this seemed pretty harmless so I linked with him on Instagram. By the time I got through airport security I had three messages from my new Instagram friend. I kept up casual conversation, and suddenly the flip switched. Within a day this stranger wanted to talk to me 24/7 and was offering to fly me back down to Vegas. I would just like to point out the fact that during our car ride, and casual conversation I certainly mentioned that I was in a relationship. If he missed those memos, it takes about 32 seconds on my Instagram to find some sappy, nauseating post about my significant other. To this day, I continue to ignore my little Uber friend, but don’t worry he posted two relationship quotes, so we’re probably in love and stuff. I think that may be a record for fastest heartbreak I’ve ever accomplished.

^Passive aggressive Instagram post #2

Guys, a little advice, if a girl is interested there’s a chance she will let you know. If a girl is in a relationship, you should naturally assume she is happy and avoid overstepping those boundaries. If for some reason you find yourself in a sticky situation, please just be normal, strike up a conversation, and ask a girl out the old fashioned way.

I really had full anticipation of giving you a few more stories, but I’m happy that I’ve had your attention this long and if I gave you all my stories now, you’d never have another reason to visit my blog again! I hope I’ve made you laugh a bit and I hope that your adventures continue throughout your daily life, even if it means getting hit on by a sandwich artist.

Until next time,

Julissa