The Trifecta

You guys know what trifecta I’m talking about right? The one that every person in their 20’s seem to be looking for: the ring, the house, and the baby. You know the trifecta that says you’ve really become an adult. Here I was thinking the “adult” trifecta consisted of a Costco card, a car payment, and the start of a 401k. Which in case you were wondering I’ve already completed my “adult” trifecta.

However,  it seems like every time I log in to social media there’s a new baby, a recent engagement, or someone putting a down payment on their first house. This article isn’t me being bitter, because truthfully I am so excited for all my friends finding the next step in their lives. I love seeing you guys fulfill your dreams, and finding the things that make you thrive. This article is for the girls like me that aren’t ready for the trifecta.

Realistically a year ago I was probably out looking for the same things, wondering when the ring was coming, and house shopping.  For my consistent readers it’s rare that I lie to you guys, so If I’m being honest at some point I either cried or considered crying every time someone posted an engagement picture, because I felt like my time was never coming (i’m pathetic, I know).

In recent months, I’ve had a change in my views, because I’ve now realized that despite my prior views not EVERYONE is constantly looking for the trifecta…including me. I’m not saying that I’m against it, things may change over night and I’ll roll with it like everything else I do, but I’m not ready to start looking or actively pursue these things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still a little obsessed with house shopping, but that’s because I throw on the strong independent woman act like a 6^th grade boy who just discovered Axe for the first time.

Despite my prior concerns I don’t actually need the trifecta to achieve happiness. There’s ways to accomplish happiness without any of these things, and over the last year that’s been one of the main lessons I’ve learned. Along with the second lesson, that not everything in life needs to be on a timeline. I used to think early marriage, and a house payment meant you had your life together. Let me tell you if I followed my original timelines, well I’m already a failure. Which not to toot my slightly narcissistic horn, I don’t feel like a failure at all.

Maybe you can’t relate because you’re stuck in the “my life’s going nowhere rut.” So here’s the list you never asked for, the top five ways I’ve found to achieve happiness, while being a complete failure at accomplishing the trifecta.

Find a routine.

I’m not saying every second of my days are planned, but I certainly feel there’s a loose structure to each day. I know Monday-Friday I’m going to spend some time working, because I have some big career goals I would like to accomplish. Daily I know I’m going to spend some time “unwinding” sometimes this means my morning devotion time while I drink coffee, often it’s the time I put in at the gym, and at night it’s the time I spend teaching myself guitar. I also am in the habit of getting at least one chore or errand done, this way I stay on top of my tasks, and I don’t feel like I get behind too often. Maybe this isn’t a routine but it’s a way to make everyday feel accomplished to me.

Start a new hobby.

 I never realized this until recently but I can kind of be the phase hobby queen. I like to learn new things, and occasionally these are things I use to pass the time temporarily, but honestly it keeps my mind sharp. Hobbies are great because they teach you multiple things, whether they show you the patience you lack, or maybe even a talent you didn’t know you had. Hobbies are a way to adjust your focus and keep you from getting ran down with adulting and life.

Never stop Learning.

I’ve never considered myself overly smart, literally guys I suck at school, the book smart thing never came to me. Yes, I have an education but I assure you that didn’t come all that easy, it took work. Luckily I was blessed with a pretty great deal of common sense and that’s helped me function. Yet something I’ve come to realize early in my life is, I don’t know everything. Contrary to popular belief and 16 year old me, there is SO much to learn. I’ve also realized that every person I surround myself with has knowledge that varies from mine. Take the time to actually listen to people, and learn from them. Make it a goal to learn something new EVERY SINGLE DAY, because I assure you, we’re never going to be so educated that we can stop learning.

Never stop exploring.

This is probably one of the values I hold closest to my heart. Perhaps it’s my wanderlust soul I can’t seem to tame, and maybe it’s something deeper, but the act or exploring and going on adventures never gets old to me. I’m not saying you need to take off to a foreign country, and find yourself in extravagant places. Heck every visit to Target proves to be an adventure to me.. I’m saying there is always a new place to find, whether it’s a place to hike 20 miles away, a new running trail with different scenery, it could be a restaurant or even a new dive bar. There is just so much that is overlooked on a daily basis, and each time I go “explore” I find a different appreciation. .Sometimes the appreciation is in the people I meet in these places, or even the overall experience. I’ve never regretted trying something new, because even when I hated it, it made me appreciate the things I already have.

Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.

 I’d be a filthy liar if I promised you this is something I’ve mastered, but it’s something I’m working on daily. There’s always going to be someone who seems smarter, or prettier, maybe even in better shape, or that they really have their life together, but the reality is they are probably looking at someone else’s life with the same adoration. There is no timeline on how fast your life should be going, or where your progress should be. If we constantly compare our lives to where someone else is at in their lives we will constantly be disappointed. Remember everyday you make it through you’re just one day closer to reaching your short-term goal, or figuring out where you want to be. You alone are enough, and you are so much stronger than you think. So stop looking lustfully at the girl who seems like everything is going for her because at the end of the day, she probably feels the same way you do.

Until next week,

me